my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
