Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
