The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize