"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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