Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
His nipple licking is glorious
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