I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
