There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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