STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
