girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
