the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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