Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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