so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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