Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
