Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
