Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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