And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
