I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
