Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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