Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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