if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
