Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
high people should be assigned attendants
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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