I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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