oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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