i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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