things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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