Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
