Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
