I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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