i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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