At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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