I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my shit smells like andre
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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