i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize