if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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