hotel room ftw
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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