Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
