I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
