If i come over, it means nothing
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
