I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
