We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
