he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
