how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
