there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
do herpes really smell.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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