People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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