do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
