I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
