Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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