My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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