I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
