does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
