She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
