I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
