Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
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I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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