there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
