I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
