OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
