dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
no you cant smoke seaweed
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
