thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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