i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
