i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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