She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
