You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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