So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
