Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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