It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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