so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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