i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
