her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
