Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
