I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
