Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
as a side note pls kill me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
