I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
